Who You Calling Old?

Mostly I don't feel old. Yes I tire more easily and running is not in my vocabulary. I wake feeling and thinking pretty much like I always have. I go to sleep easily when it is time to retire. But there are those startling, somewhat shocking moments when I face reality.

One of those moments is when I have been sitting a while and try to stand up. I stand up immediately; my knees not so immediately. They don't creak or snap often nor do they make grating noises. But something makes them hurt when I want to straighten them and I have to be patient while I get them to be fully straight before I take a step. Of course, the reverse is true when I want to bend them.

My hearing is fine, but my cognitive translation of what I hear is off. If you have recently said something to me and received my wise-old-owl expression, it is because I heard the words but they didn't hang together in a way that makes sense. My loving spouse sees that expression and begins shouting, "Earth to Judy!" Well, at least the planet I'm on can still hear even if we can't string the pearls of wisdom together in the correct order. On his planet, they walk around with a blank expression followed by a smile and a nod which indicates "I heard something, but I'm just not interested enough to ask what you said!" (That is not strictly fair -- sometimes the hard of hearing receive that impatient look with eyes rolled because we have to repeat. We force them to pretend rather than ask and receive that look again.)

Another shock to the system is a look in the mirror. Sometimes I look and I see what I want to see: hair 6, eyes 8, make-up 9 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being really very good. Sometimes I wonder who that old woman is. I would like to ask her to get out of my mirror; but no reflection at all would be terrifying!

Having been underweight for most of my life and spending my middle years with a good amount of weight, I am shocked now to note I am more than pleasingly plump. Add to that my 5' 4" frame has dwindled to 5' 3.5" and plump doesn't describe it. I have several outfits that I call my "very tall and slender" outfits. When I have them on I feel, elegant bordering on regal, charming, graceful. There are several things that destroy my self-image. One would be a quick glance in the mirror. Another would be when I stick the toe of one foot inside the pant-leg of the other and trip myself. There is always the chance that the odd shaped decorative something on my bosom is just my luncheon spill.

When I last saw my doctor, the nurse informed me I had lost stature. I said, "I could have told you that because much of what I used to be able to reach in my cupboards is now out of reach; and I was the one who put them there several months ago!" She didn't know what to do so she smiled and nodded. Hrumph! If I can't laugh at what's happening to me, what will be the fun of aging? After all it is not like looking forward to 16 and being able to drive, 21 and being able to drink, 55 and your first seniors meal. At 73, you just don't get excited about the color of your upcoming wheel chair, or the  people who will write on your hip cast when you fall, or the make and model of your casket. There has to be laughter and fun and love.

Another odd thing about the doctor visit was testing my reflexes. He tapped lightly on each knee in slightly the wrong place. He asked if I had knee replacements as there wasn't much reflex action. I said, you tapped a little off site. He said, "Hmmmm", but didn't repeat the test. I came home, sat on a chair, crossed my legs and tapped. Almost put my own eye out with the leg jerk I got. Next time I'll teach him how to do that test!

Anyway, in celebration of the birthday I have coming in a few days when I will officially be 73, here's to me! I still love lilacs and lily of the valley. I spin yarn and knit. I clean my own home (when I feel like it). I cook my husband's meals (when I feel like it; heh, heh). I come truly alive and awake when the first cool days of autumn arrive, watch the leaves turn, decorate with delight, and savor the autumn bounty of harvest. I can hardly get a coat on fast enough to be out in the first snow flakes tumbling from the sky and I shovel walks for the fun of being out there. Just watch my dust when my new Mint Green tricycle arrives! I show you who is old! I'll ride the rubber off those tires (well, that is, until the summer temperatures make it too hot to be out there). You can bet though that when that first fall leaf is yellowing or reddening, I'll ride again until snowfall!